So whilst tearing up the trails at Swinley forest on the weekend a good friend really brought everything that has just happen home. That as hard as it is to get your head around such a brutal situation we are infact very lucky with our little boy Marley.
16:30pm, sitting in Winchester A&E, Aysh isn’t feeling too great, nearly 12 weeks pregnant with number two and it’s as if our hopes and dreams are tumbling down and we are helpless to control the situation.
1am, holding back the tears we’ve been given the news that no one wants to hear. It’s as if our breath has been snatched from us, no real emotions just left feeling empty and flat, our little edition hasn’t made it.
As we are tucked in a private room with yellow walls scuff marks taken out of the paint, with one strip light illuminating the room, nurses coming in and out whilst the sounds and chatter in A&E is less than a roar, its hard to take in that such a busy place can feel so lonely, that when we came in through the doors there was a little hope, and when you leave it’s been chipped away.
Driving home at 01:30 creeping through the night on the back lanes to our village all alone on what only can be described as the foggiest night for a long time it sets in what’s just happened, our dreams, plans, excitement taken from us in what feels like such an unfair way. The day before we were okay, everything was okay, counting down the days till our scan…now, now its just emptiness. To make matters worse, my clutch has gone.
I get in at 2am after a very stop start journey, the clutch is well and truly buggered, how I’m going to get it off the drive and to a garage for that matter is a challenge for another day, grab a glass of water, check in on Marley and thank dad for sitting through the 10hr wait, only to deliver the hard hitting news. What a day!
As I type this sitting on a black plastic chair, looking out the window at a grey over cast morning in Winchester hospital, Aysh laying on the bed its hard to take in that we were so close yet so far, it’s heart breaking for me so I can only imagine how Aysh is feeling. She is so strong yet as devistated as I am, even though she hides it so well. I would like to say on wards and upwards, for now let’s start with onwards and go from there…what a start to the year!
To say that Marley is excited about Christmas is and understatement, even though he has no real concept of what Christmas means the fact that we have a 6ft Norwegian spruce littered with hand stitched toys and twinkly lights its blowing his mind, and that’s not to mention the parade of flashing coloured lights that are wrapping numerous houses in our close.
So the Christmas break was filled with a lot of fun, chatter and toys. Marley has become a master at unwrapping gifts, I think our test period really got him into the swing of things. Unlike most kids that you see on christmas day or Birthdays for that matter, ripping off paper till it becomes a shower of confetti Marley is a very considerate present receiver making sure he puts every piece, and I do mean every piece of paper in to the bin…this can make opening a present very laborious…5 days exactly!
One thing that we have gathered from children’s presents is that you require scissors, a screwdriver and batteries to open and operate the majority of them! Gone are the days of discarding the shinny plastic or wooden toy and clambering into a box.
So this year 2016, we had christmas at my parents which is always great, and possibly Marleys first sleep over there. I must admit his eagerness at such a young age to see santa was a little confusing but every morning he was determined to wake up at 5am for 4 days in a row, head down stairs to Georges (dads dog) disgust before roaring through the house until everyone else rose, quick trip to the pub on Boxing day to be fed by a little girl called rose then home again for more games and stories, and all this before heading down to Cornwall to see in the New Year, which on one of the clearest nights I’ve seen in a long time we actually saw our first comet. It was as impressive as it was quick, burning across a deep black ocean of sky with a faint orange glow at the front before totally vanishing into he darkness as if it was never there, but still leaving a lasting impression I can tell you, and yes we did make a wish.
It’s fair to say that Marley was extremely excited to head down to see Papa and GG, as for the whole two weeks running up to our trip he has been constantly saying their names on repeat. Even though he still does now we are back he has started saying Daddy, which I must admit is pretty humbling, it really does make you feel great, something which is hard to explain as it’s such a simple word, But he also says Arnold a lot too, (His stuffed toy dog)
For our Cornish trip we packed in as much as we could, a trip to Paington zoo, slightly different to Marwell, a trip to the theatre for the boys and the cinema for myself, Uncle Ed and Papa G. Now I haven’t been to the cinema for probably 2 years or so so to see Star Wars Rouge one on the big screen whilst smashing through what only can be described as a bucket of popcorn was amazing…personal gain there for me.
Can’t wait to take Marley to the big screen.
We also made it back to Watergate Bay were we took Marley for the summer with a trip to one of our favourite places, the Beach hut which sits just above the beach overlooking amazing views of the ocean, with blue skies that are slightly broken with the odd kite surfer and if that’s not good enough the food is pretty spectacular there coupled with a relaxed vibe that sees’s walkers with there dogs tucked in the corner, and amazing plates of food. This is somewhere I hope Marley visits when he’s older, possibly with his family too. As you can see he loves a good beach stroll.
All in all 2016 has been a busy year, one that I don’t think either myself or Aysh will forget, there has been a lot of up’s with a few downs, long days and no sleep. We’ve learnt new things not just about Marley but each other and the fun we have had seeing our little boy grow has been phenomenal. As 2016 closes and we move into 2017 Marley is as quick as lightning and really logical when problem solving, He’s had his first parents evening which i must admit felt very strange. I remember when as a boy I would wait in the dark on the landing for my mum and dad to come home dreading what the teachers had told them.
We’ve also been very fortunate to share 2016 with some incredible friends and family. Friends that are now dotted around the country and even over seas with Marley making an imprint on them as much as they do on him. With out getting too deep it has been an incredible year…we are very lucky.
There’s nothing more exciting like waking up after a choppy night sleep due to the little man to hear Aysh’s voice calling up the stairs that Marley has sh*t on the cream lounge carpet.
So a lot has happen recently, we have left the EU! I would rattle on about how bad this is and say that I was a firm believer of staying, stronger together and all but I shall skip past this for now and more important things are aloof, namely Marley and his sleeping habits.
05:20 Marley has a tendency to wake up as if he is unsatisfied with his own bed and that he no longer requires any form of rest, this is a trick and one that we have fallen for many a time and are more than likely to again and again.
As you can see not only has the desire not to sleep warn of pretty darn quick but he also has the cheek to spread out across the whole damn bed. This is not a one off, to the point were I have to relocate to the floor due to the fear of being pushed out. This position is pretty standard, others involve droppings ones self up against you or climbing over you to get to the good spot, and of course Monkey has to come too. (He is not amish by the way, that is not a beard he is sporting)
I was thinking about this when picking apple chunks off the floor and chasing the little man around whilst trying to re attach his shoe, that as much as I love the wee man I do long for a good night sleep and a straight forward morning.
Now Aysh she has it pretty tough and does by far a lot more than I do with Marley in the early hours of the morning before getting up and off out the door for a full-on day with the kids at her school, but I thought I’d share an insight into a morning madness.
Head to bed at 10ish then probably woken up between 2 and 3 times a night, if it’s 4 times then it’s going to be a bad morning and a lot of coffee consumed. Then up, shower and down stairs were Aysh has prepped the boy clothes wise before she heads off to work. I’ll try and clear the draining board/sink from the night before, dishwasher, hang up laundry or do the bins…not all of these mind but at least one or two. Then get Marley seated ready for brekkie, bit of cheese, shreddies and then if it’s a good day a fruit pouch.
Quick face and hands wipe before imitating a shuttle launch and the boy is released from his seat, usual manoeuvre from here is straight into the office to play with the gadgets that he’s not allowed to, another bit of role play kicks in as we pretend to be unlocking an airlock before space walking like a twat into the room, then back out so I can clean up from brekkie…don’t want to have to come back to the carnage.
Next challenge to get the shoes on, this can be a right pain in the arse, they never stay on. As soon as ones on the other is off, this dance goes on for a good ten minutes.
Before we head out a quick bum check, it’s standard at this point to find a mother of a turd spattered all over the napster, quick service and change (Shoe comes off) and we are good to start the walk to the car before nursery. This is pretty straight forward unless anyone is outside, this will result in a 5 minute delay. Into the car, the boy is sorted.
Quick dash back into the house, grab the bags and we are good to roll.
Flick on a few garage beats, Craig David being the go to right now as we roll out of the close.
Next stop nursery, we always check out the telegraph pole outside of class before heading in…who wouldn’t right. Smooth hand over and then we are done, morning madness is over and off to work.
So I think we are all or at least mostly in agreement that prams are similar to a Nasa spacecraft, it folds it bends and it needs a 156page document to figure out how too use the damn thing. But once you get around this, and you will after a lot of frustrating moments and head scratching in deserted carparks you then have the joy as we did this weekend of changing a buggy tyre.
Now you may think this is a straight forward fluid procedure, well forget that and except that it was a two hour job, involving 4, yes 4 tyre leavers and a pair of pliers. A lot of cursing and a voice in your head every 20 minutes telling you that this is not possible, this will not work…you will never fix this tyre. Finally finishing with just the our satisfaction that you won’t need to do this again for quite some time. That is of course as long as you don’t over pump the tyre as I did.
It’s pretty uncool rocking up to the zoo on a beautiful day only to find a blog in your tyre which has then pushed the inner tube out leaving it on show. Basically imagine squeezing a 600lb man into a pair of 34in jeans. It doesn’t look good, sound good or give you much confidence.
Also the image has no reference to the story but looks pretty bad ass!
Quick message to Aysh…”Just pulled the mothership out of the docking station. I can confirm that the smaller ships are quicker and with a darker body! Over and Out!x”
A boys weekend to me is usually something that revolves around catching up with Frenchie, drinking a few beers (possibly a lot), cracking open a bottle of Rum and then either heading out on the bikes or taking in the gentleman game of crazy golf followed buy hours and hours of video games “Yes I like video games alright”
What I didn’t expect to happen was to be standing is a lightly lite room at 8:30 in the evening with my little boy Marley propped up in front of me, arms wrapped around me, crying and whimpering whilst trying to push out one mother of a turd, with me trying to extract it hands on from his bum hole……
So this weekend Aysh was off to Barcelona with my sister Biggy to the sun kissed city of Barcelona. So just a boys weekend for me with Marley. Now even though I was excited about this it is fair to say that i was some what shitting myself as it would be the first time I’ve done more than a day solo stint, so three days would be a challenge. Coupled with the fact the poor little man would be missing mummy but he was also constipated and dealing with boy flue, (similar to man flu but not as severe) it was going to be as much of an adventure for him as it was for me.
So what better way to spend a rainy friday but with a trip to the aquarium with Gran and Grandad. I’m not sure what I expected here, if Marley would be interested, and it’s fair to say that for the majority of it he wasn’t but he did seem to take a liking to the sharks and the standard glass tunnel that sweeps through the main part of probably all aquariums. He also took an interest to the colourfully lite jelly fish but anything smaller totally out of the question and the three otters in their pretty sad looking enclosure, no. But to be fair you just wanted to open the door and set the otters free, poor little buggers.
Friday night, not a bad one, I decided to sleep on his floor though so I could be there if he needed me, plus I’m not sure I’d slept a wink in our room with the fear of not waking up. Couple of feeds, a couple runs of his teddy bear CD and before you know it it’s 5am and time to mobolise. Breakfast, two pancakes “don’t tell mummy” she tells me you only ever have two maybe over the course of a whole week but you do seem to love them, quick FaceTime with mummy and big in Barcelona and then a quick selection of shreddies followed but a sliver of pear. Infact this is sounding like Eddie Hall’s (World’s strongest mans 10,000 calorie daily diet. Quick wipe around the chops and then off to attraction number two…the zoo. Slept through most of this whilst we braved the chilly temperatures with Grandma telling me that she to would like to be in a buggy wrapped up and if a trade is possible. She is pretty small so would more than likely fit but then I’d have to carry Marley and push my mum around. Mum and dad also tell me they will never eat tuna pasta again after sitting though a session with Marley again, I can understand this as it can be a pretty messy affair.
Saturday night back home, quick dinner then bath, then teddy bear CD, milk, quick cuddle and then adult time, (Video Games) Battlefield arguably the best online First person Shooter to EVER have been made is running a 4x XP weekend and to anyone who knows what this means you to should be as excited as me. For those of you who have glazed over at the thought of this then you have not lived….tonight is going to be awesome!
…..1 and half hours later I find myself not supporting my 5 man team holding down flag C, blasting the heck out of waves and waves of wannabe heroes but instead holding a whimpering Marley with the mega poo clutched between my fingers. To say it was an emotional night would be an understatement, more so for him but I to had a slight whimper, feeling totally out of my depth, but 4 poo’s extracted hands washed and then washed again we have made it, if we could have high fives I’m sure we would have.
One thing I did gleam from the weekend is no matter how much to prepare it will never be enough, there will always be something that happens that will test you mentally and emotionally. But there will be moments that will make you feel good, little moments that you can cherish and then there are dark moments that you will never forget, in a good way. I will look back over the years and when my little boy becomes a boy then a man I can relive the moment. I must admit though I have had a darker poo story when in Bankok but you will need to ask aysh about that one or buy me a beer.
Eddie hall, worlds strongest man
A year ago today I remember walking out of the main entrance at Winchester hospital on a dreary cold and damp morning, very much like today, clutching my phone whilst taping in the first number of many that I had to tell them that our little boy Marley was born. Born safe and sound be it a little noisy.
So 1 year on, yes you heard me right a whole year, Marley is a right little character, very bubbly and full of smiles. He’s just started to find his feet and loves to walk, assisted mind but still loves a good old stroll around the house… he’s still noisy though.
This year has been a roller coaster though, as a new dad I can honestly say that it has been packed with a few very dark moments but they have been out weighed by the overwhelming amount of joy and sense of pride watching our little boy grow up, experience life and cast an infectious amount of warmth and love around everyone that he meets, I can truly say that it has been emotional but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Happy Birthday son!